Martha Pollack Fires Off Quick Email on Swastika Before Heading Back to IBM

Michael Wenye Li / Cornell Daily Sun

DAY HALL—After receiving word yesterday that another swastika had turned up less than an hour before her flight to IBM headquarters, Cornell President Martha Pollack quickly jotted down a four sentences campus-wide email on her way to the airport.

“A few months ago, I might’ve written a long email expressing solidarity with all students and faculty members like last time, but I’ve been so swamped with this new job,” said Pollack. “If I get some time to focus on Cornell, I might draft a paragraph or two to get ready for the next time this happens.”

Pollack intends to start digging into her backlog of hate incidents to write emails about “right after we release first quarter earnings.”

“I hope Jewish students know dealing with such crimes is my first priori—one second, just got something urgent,” Pollack said as she opened an email on the IBM marketing department’s last social event.

If her IBM workload keeps up, Pollack is reportedly considering telling Ryan Lombardi to just forward one of her many previous emails reacting to hate crimes and bigotry on campus whenever this happens again.

OP-ED: Looks Like the Anti-Semitic Club Is Off to a Rocky Fucking Start

Photo from the Cornell Daily Sun

DUFFIELD HALL— Clearly knowing jack shit about its audience, the Solar Cross Society just advertised anti-semitism to a campus full of Jews. Way to start recruitment on the worst fucking foot!

In a student body that’s 59.3% non-white and 21% Jewish, who do these idiotic dumbass half-wits think they can attract? Last time I checked, people who commit hate crimes are walking asswipes.

These bumblefucks seem to have plagiarized their shitpouch slogan “Just Say No,” already used by the War on Drugs and programs preaching abstinence. What a bitch-ass rookie mistake.

Also, how the fuck are people supposed to apply for the White Gang without some son-of-a-bitch’s netID to contact? Good luck with that listserv, you amateur douchecanoes!

So, you little pricks, you’ve got a lot to learn, starting with the fact that no one’s joining your stupid fucking bigot’s club. But hey, here’s something for your trouble: a whole campus of angry motherfuckers ready to cut your uncircumcised dicks.