CENTRAL CAMPUS — Chris Reynolds ‘18, a student in Beginning Mandarin I, has reportedly been attempting to greet every Asian student he passes by saying “Ni hao” as if it’s no big deal. “I don’t even know this kid,” said Charles Park, a senior in the Hotel school who walked by Reynolds on Ho Plaza…
COLLEGETOWN– Katerina Grochenko, a senior of Ukrainian descent, is reporting that living with her Russian roommate Maria Vasileva ‘16 has been “a pure nightmare” this past week. “Maria won’t stop dumping her stuff on my side of the room. She uses my dishes and eats my food,” said the distraught Grochenko. When I ask her…
ITHACA- A report that administrators are describing as “shocking” and “seemingly impossible” has revealed that Cornell’s Class of 2018 includes no individuals from the state of New Jersey. “That can’t be right. Check them all again,” demanded Kyle Downey, admissions representative for the mid-Atlantic region, while pacing rapidly inside a boisterous admissions office filled with…
HO PLAZA- In response to the recent fighting in Israel’s Gaza Strip, students from campus organizations CIPAC (Cornell Israel Public Affairs Committee), J Street, and SJP (Student for Justice in Palestine) held organized rallies on an otherwise empty Ho Plaza Tuesday. “We think it’s really important that students be informed about what’s going on in…
ROCKVILLE CENTRE, NY- Rising Junior Gabriela Ramos has entered a state of panic caused by her inability to reasonably justify the fact that she knows nothing about the current tense state of affairs in the Middle-Eastern country of Iraq. “During the academic year, I can usually brush off things like this by saying I’m too…
