Tag Archives: Computer Science

Visibly Deranged CS Professor Demands Students Transfer Consciousness to Computer, Upload to CMS By Next Sunday

LOCATION BLOCKED—Streaming from the depths of his secret mountain lair, Professor Lucas Mordock excitedly announced over a Zoom lecture on Friday that “the time had finally come to set his master plan into motion,” instructing his students to submit a digital copy of their minds within a week. The chilling Read More

Absolute Freak Keeps Calling CS “Computer Science”

GATES HALL—In a bizarre showing, one freshman barbarian insists on calling CS “Computer Science,” whatever that is. “I’m getting absolutely blasted in my introductory computer science classes” lamented Mitchell Fawkes ‘23 to his bewildered friends. “I just do not understand how Matrix Laboratory works, and none of the other computer Read More

Freshman Boasts Outstanding Expected GPA on Résumé

BARTON HALL—Setting himself apart from other candidates at Career Fair, David Lansing ‘21 decided to include an outstanding expected GPA in his résumé. “I got the idea from my high school guidance counselor,” said the excited freshman while waiting in line to speak with Google representatives. “She basically told me Read More