death – CU Nooz

Headlines

Friend Complaining About Racist Uncle at Thanksgiving Clearly Doesn’t Have Uncle Taking Up the Tuba
1 day ago1 day ago
Guy Wearing “This Is What a Cornell Engineer Looks Like” Shirt Definitely Didn’t Need to Clarify
12 months ago3 months ago
Remember Hanukkah? Tiny Seasonal Knickknack Section at Target Does!
12 months ago12 months ago
Renovations at Olin Library Set to Replace Ancient Manuscripts with Newer, more Modern Books
12 months ago12 months ago
“I Thought He Said to Lose!”: Cornell Hockey Team Mishears Coach Instructions
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: If Ezra Cornell Could See The Current State of Our University, He Would Be Entirely Too Distracted By The Disuse of The Telegraph to Care
1 year ago1 year ago

OP-ED: I Am the Door Handle at 7-Eleven and I Will Kill You and Your Roommates

Nooz Staff4 years ago02 mins

COLLEGETOWN—I am death incarnate. Bringer of pestilence, taker of freedom. One touch, followed by a brief nose scratch, and you will be in the hospital, your friends quarantined. You are just another pawn in my master plan. On the surface, I may look like an innocent door handle. It’s true; a year ago today I…

Best Known as Ezra Cornell’s Fourth Cousin Five Times Removed, George H.W. Bush Dies at 94

Nooz Staff6 years ago6 years ago02 mins

HOUSTON, TX—This past Friday, one of the many relatives of the illustrious Ezra Cornell, George H.W. Bush, passed away at the age of 94. In a schoolwide email earlier today, President Martha Pollack stated: “With the recent passing of George H.W. Bush, one of our founder’s most politically active cousins, it is an excellent time…