Tag Archives: Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney Required To Pass Intro To Handgun Safety Before Speech

Update: The former Vice President’s speech has been postponed due to him accidentally shooting the instructor and failing the class. STATLER AUDITORIUM—In anticipation of Dick Cheney’s visit to campus, the University has required the former Vice President to successfully complete PE 1515: Introduction to Handgun Safety before being cleared to Read More

“Maybe Next Year,” Sighs Dick Cheney

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Feeling lonely and forgotten after learning that former Vice President Joe Biden was chosen as this year’s convocation speaker, former Vice President Dick Cheney sighed quietly to himself, “I guess maybe next year.” “Every graduation cycle, I get my hopes up that Cornell will pick an old conservative like Read More