Tag Archives: Drinking

Rulloff’s to Reclose Thursday

ruloffs

COLLEGETOWN – Following the exciting news of the reopening of Rulloff’s, new owner Gregar Brous announced today that the Collegetown establishment would promptly close again on Thursday. “We already have a lot on our plate with Collegetown Bagels and Agava. You didn’t really think we were bringing back Rulloff’s forever, Read More

Drunk 21-Year-Old Pees Himself, Would be Considered Adult in Most of World

pee in pants

COLLEGETOWN– According to sources, senior Colin Atkins urinated himself after a night of excessive drinking late Saturday night, and would be considered a fully-grown adult with the corresponding responsibilities in many cultures. The inebriated student reportedly “shotgunned like eight or ten beers with his bros” and, if he lived in Read More

Freshman Puts Up Hard-Partying Facade for Parents’ Weekend

ckb

BAUER — Sources are indicating that Jacob Lifflander ’18 spent a considerable amount of time and money this weekend convincing his parents that he has been drinking and partying often while away at college. “I don’t want them to think their tuition money is going to waste,” explained the studious biology Read More