karl marx – CU Nooz

Headlines

“It’s Been the Best Four Years of My Life!” Admitted Student Tour Guides Notably Excluded From Freedom of Speech Protections
9 hours ago9 hours ago
Student Receives Journal and Therapy, Stops Writing for Daily Sun Opinion Section
3 days ago3 days ago
Ann Coulter Rejects Freedom of Expression Ice Cream Flavor, Argues It Has “Too Much Chocolate”
4 days ago4 days ago
Evil Professor To Teach All Classes in Your Major, Minor, and Distribution Requirements Next Semester
4 days ago4 days ago
Brace Faced Nerd Clocktower to Wear Headgear All Summer
1 week ago1 week ago
Pathetic Zeus Visitor Not Good Enough for Pristine Marble Table, Exiled to Weak Little Wooden Bench
1 week ago1 week ago

Communist Roommate Real Fucking Cagey About Sharing Gas Costs on Road Trip

Nooz Staff1 year ago1 year ago03 mins

FLORA ROSE HOUSE—Despite being a self-avowed “card-carrying Cornell commie,” Jerome “Jerry” Woodhouse ‘25, the roommate of Brent Hao ‘25, has reportedly been pretty fucking reticent to split the costs of gas receipts from their spring break road trip. “I figured that if anyone would be quick to pay me back, it would be the guy…

Radicalized Bus Driver Promises “Under Communism, All Buses Will Be OurBus”

Nooz Staff1 year ago1 year ago02 mins

WEST CAMPUS–The 3:00 bus to New York City was left in turmoil this Thursday after CoachUSA driver and political radical Jessie O’Connor announced her support for OurBus-based political systems. “Awaken yourselves, fellow proletariat!” declared a borscht-chugging, chain-smoking O’Connor to her bus full of self-described “solidly middle-class” hotel heirs. “Too long have the capitalist pig-dogs at…