WEST CAMPUS–The 3:00 bus to New York City was left in turmoil this Thursday after CoachUSA driver and political radical Jessie O’Connor announced her support for OurBus-based political systems.
“Awaken yourselves, fellow proletariat!” declared a borscht-chugging, chain-smoking O’Connor to her bus full of self-described “solidly middle-class” hotel heirs. “Too long have the capitalist pig-dogs at Shortline been allowed to control the means of production. In our glorious new world there will be neither rich nor poor–neither Greyhound nor TCAT. Under communism, all buses will be OurBus!”
O’Connor’s surprise proclamation has triggered a critical reexamination of Marx’s masterwork Das Kapital, including a heretofore forgotten chapter titled Die Oürbussen. Economic theorists are already declaring the bus-themed treatise one of history’s most important calls to the working class, second only to Britney Spears’ anthem “Work Bitch.”
“For decades, philosophers have wondered why communism, while excellent on paper, has routinely failed in the real world,” said ILR professor Raul Cisneros ‘87. “It is now clear that the key to true economic liberation is conveniently-timed buses from Ithaca to Syracuse Hancock Airport starting at a mere $30. The revolution is now, comrades!”
As of press time, the revolution was already delayed thirty minutes.