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Friend Complaining About Racist Uncle at Thanksgiving Clearly Doesn’t Have Uncle Taking Up the Tuba
1 day ago1 day ago
Guy Wearing “This Is What a Cornell Engineer Looks Like” Shirt Definitely Didn’t Need to Clarify
12 months ago3 months ago
Remember Hanukkah? Tiny Seasonal Knickknack Section at Target Does!
12 months ago12 months ago
Renovations at Olin Library Set to Replace Ancient Manuscripts with Newer, more Modern Books
12 months ago12 months ago
“I Thought He Said to Lose!”: Cornell Hockey Team Mishears Coach Instructions
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: If Ezra Cornell Could See The Current State of Our University, He Would Be Entirely Too Distracted By The Disuse of The Telegraph to Care
1 year ago1 year ago

Help! Someone in My Class Has the Same Name as Me and Now They’re Lurking Outside My Dorm Room Window Every Night Chanting in Latin

Nooz Staff3 years ago03 mins

MEWS HALL—Last Saturday, Daphne Smythe ‘25 suddenly awakened in the middle of the night to see a hooded figure holding a chalice filled with a mysterious red liquid loudly chanting Latin hymns outside her dorm room window. “I know who’s behind this malicious threat!” Smythe declared triumphantly. “It must be that darn Daphne Smithe in…