COLLEGETOWN—Hungry after a long day of exploring his future campus, incoming engineer Julio Saldanha ‘23 was captivated by Collegetown’s choice of dining options that will surely shut down before the fall semester.
“All these restaurants look so good, but I think I’m going to spend a lot of time at Calios these next four years,” said Saldanha, blissfully unaware that by August it will be replaced with a bubble tea shop, which itself will promptly close 10 months later.
“There’s such a good mix of places, too! You have the new trendy spots next to landmarks like Collegetown Pizza. I can’t imagine that will ever close,” Saldanha continued.
Though he was disappointed to hear CTB will be closing before next fall, Saldanha was relieved to learn he could still overpay for food at any of Cornell’s 14 on-campus dining locations.
Collegetown is one of the biggest perks of spending 4 years above Cayuga’s Waters, offering incredibly diverse culinary experiences. We sent a writer out to determine, once and for all, which eatery is the true champion of the hungry student.
CTB: Absolute let down. I was so excited to try the place EVERYONE talks about, but it was one of the most abhorrent dining experiences I have ever had. After waiting 15 minutes for folks ordering Liz Lemonades to get out of the way, I was finally able to grab a dinky plastic cup and start filling up with water. But 5 seconds into getting a lukewarm excuse for refreshment, the tiny faucet gave up. What, did they expect me to pay for a bottle of water? That’s basically a violation of human rights. I’m never going back.
Ruloffs: The waiter quickly carried over an sleek carafe chilled to perfection, with a light layer of thinly chopped ice at the top. I think this is some water I can get behind. Minus one star; it could have used a slice of lemon.
DeTasty Hot Pot: Everything was going well at the start. Larger glass than most, decent amount of ice. But as the meal rolled on, I could feel the panic settling in. I had barely a fourth of my water left when the waitress came over. I got a “how is everything over here?” without the slightest glance at my dwindling glass. What came next was pure agony. Bite after bite of spicy Asian food without a drop left. It was only when I yelped for the bill with my last dehydrated breath that she noticed. Service like that could get people imprisoned in some countries.
The Nines: Giving you a pitcher of water is a nice touch. Gives you the freedom to choose how much you need, exactly when you need it. However, the water-to-ice ratio is completely off. Have some self-respect.
Aladdins: I felt like I was sitting on a beach by the Mediterranean. I could feel warm grains of sunkissed sand between my toes with every drop that fell from their elegant glass goblets. Absolutely exquisite.
Taco Truck: Fuck it, I’m just gonna eat some snow.