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Lord Barista, Guardian of the Utensils, Fends Off Horde of Fork Thieves

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

LIBE CAFÉ—As hordes of malicious fork thieves seek to empty the coffers of Libe Café, the awe-inspiring Lord Barista, guardian of the utensils, stands at the ready to defend what’s left of the library’s plasticware. “Sorry, we can only give you a fork if you buy a salad, or sushi, or something like that,” the…

Frat With No Pledges Handing Out Sad Little Pamphlets Outside Dining Hall Like An A Capella Group

Up Your Ass and Around the Corner: Finding your Classroom in Uris Hall

Stickless Big Round Puck Hockey Team Wins Match

And How Urgent Is This Issue?” Says Landlord After Microwave Begins Leaking Sewage

OP-ED: Why You Should Rush Manson Family Phi This Semester

Aw! The Army of Roaches in the Walls of Your Apartment are Thrilled to Have you Back From Break

Lord Barista, Guardian of the Utensils, Fends Off Horde of Fork Thieves