Studying Hour Before Exam No Longer Considered ‘Cramming’

LEWIS AUDITORIUM — Just barely putting his notes away in time before the TA handed out the midterm, Justin Solotoff ’17 dismissed his neighbor’s assertive comment that Solotoff should have started studying earlier for the exam.

“I didn’t cram,” whispered Solotoff as he opened his blue book. “I started studying a whole hour ago.”

Solotoff’s roommates confirmed that last night, when they expressed concern over whether or not their friend would have enough time to study, he assured them that he knew what he was doing.

“We saw his textbook still in its original wrapping and knew he hadn’t started preparing, but he kept telling us that he first had to complete two problem sets and a response paper before he could begin even thinking about his exam,” said roommate Adam Trelly. “And just last week he told me he was going to improve his study habits.”

When questioned what would constitute actual cramming, Solotoff referenced a prelim that he took last week: “I skimmed the summary of the course objectives in the syllabus as I walked into the exam room. I think it’s pretty safe to call that ‘cramming.’”

Solotoff was later seen busy writing an essay in 30pt font with four inch-margins for a five-page assignment due the following morning.

Mother Interrupting Studying for Some Stupid, Unknown Sentimental Reason

OLIN — During an important study period before the last week of classes, Charlie Hodges ’19 was rudely interrupted with a barrage of affectionate texts from his mother, sent randomly and without context on the second Sunday in May.

“Dusting your bookshelves and found your old copy of Peter Rabbit!! Remember when you made me read it to you every night? Missing you a little extra this morning! I love YOU!!! (3 heart emojis)”, Mrs. Hodges sent at 10:30 AM without any clarification as to why this particular morning was more special.

At 10:45, 11:30, and 11:38 AM respectively, Hodges learned that his mother had also “made his favorite breakfast sammie,” “found the cutest baby pictures,” and “absolutely LOVED the flowers that Travis-Next-Door gave HIS mommy.” These unwarranted, heartfelt messages set Hodges back an untold number of hours on studying for his two end of the year, in-class finals.

“Is she just really lonely today?” a flustered and distracted Hodges said, “I told her multiple times that I have a paper and two exams this week, why doesn’t she understand I have my own business to worry about?”

Hodges eventually caved in when his mother had the audacity to FaceTime him four times in a row after he had just started a 10 page paper due tomorrow.