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December 16, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
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  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

    5 days ago5 days ago
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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May 6, 2014

  • Uncategorized

Researchers say 4 out of 5 Researchers “Would Have Preferred Goldie’s for Lunch”

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY — According to a new study at Cornell University, four out of five researchers would have preferred to go to Goldie’s for lunch. Steven Pratchett was the only one in the lab who wanted to go to Temple of Zeus. Citing Goldie’s closer location, delicious sandwiches, and its atmosphere, all the other scientists…

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  • Uncategorized

BREAKING: Student Is “Very Busy,” “Tired”

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago03 mins

ITHACA, NY —  CU Nooz was first on the scene as Cornell student Maria Davis, ’16, bustled into Olin Library appearing stressed and disheveled. Reports indicate that Davis has a great deal of work to do this week. The amount of work that the Sophomore is grappling with must surely be a uniquely enormous case,…

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