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March 19, 2026
  • Lab Partner Swears “It Feels Better Without Gloves”
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow
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  • Lab Partner Swears “It Feels Better Without Gloves”

    22 hours ago21 hours ago
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow

    5 days ago5 days ago
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

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May 6, 2014

  • Uncategorized

Researchers say 4 out of 5 Researchers “Would Have Preferred Goldie’s for Lunch”

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY — According to a new study at Cornell University, four out of five researchers would have preferred to go to Goldie’s for lunch. Steven Pratchett was the only one in the lab who wanted to go to Temple of Zeus. Citing Goldie’s closer location, delicious sandwiches, and its atmosphere, all the other scientists…

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  • Uncategorized

BREAKING: Student Is “Very Busy,” “Tired”

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago03 mins

ITHACA, NY —  CU Nooz was first on the scene as Cornell student Maria Davis, ’16, bustled into Olin Library appearing stressed and disheveled. Reports indicate that Davis has a great deal of work to do this week. The amount of work that the Sophomore is grappling with must surely be a uniquely enormous case,…

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