Student Assembly Threatens Competence
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Last week, the Student Assembly (allegedly called the ‘Student Governance Assembly’) debated a…
Student Assembly Threatens Competence
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Last week, the Student Assembly (allegedly called the ‘Student Governance Assembly’) debated a resolution that could completely upend the relationship the organization has with Cornell’s leadership and student body. Resolution 22, “Making Student Assembly competent,” was extensively debated at an Assembly meeting last week. It includes such clauses as “Assembly members must read…
“Unfortunately, We Had Many Qualified Candidates,” Sings A Capella Group At 2am Outside Your Window
RPCC PARKING LOT—Reports indicate that west-facing residents of High Rise 5 awoke to what was supposed to be a choir’s serenade at approximately 1:57am Wednesday night. Many students sleepily stumbled towards their windows to witness a local A Capella group set up microphones and a speaker to inform prospective members of their application status. Bystanders…
Coefficient of Kinetic Friction Between You and Gray Slush Says Eat Shit Nerd
THURSTON AVE.—On a crisp winter afternoon, Isa Tan ‘29 was trudging back from her PHYS 1110 lab when she was treated to an educational real-world demonstration. “I probably deserved this for getting a 4 on AP Physics,” Tan reasoned, labelling the experience “only slightly less humbling than my last prelim.” “It’s strange—I like to think…
Bing Chilling? February Break Spent Celebrating Chinese New Year In Auspicious Binghamton Getaway
BINGHAMTON, NY—Over the long weekend, students undertook cultural festivities of great fortune to ring in the Year of the Horse. With Asia out of reach, Cornellians turned to the next best option to celebrate: Binghamton. “The chicken spiedies wrapped in ‘bing’ pancake really evoke the taste of China,” remarked Lucas Campbell ‘28 who is completing…
“Close Enough” Match Pairs Hundreds of Proximity-Based Situationships
NORTH CAMPUS—Each February, thousands of Cornellians participate in the Perfect Match survey in an effort to find true love based on shared interests, similarities, and preferences. This year, students have the opportunity to receive a match that is, like, close enough. Close Enough Match is a student-led project team that utilizes machine learning to pair…
Trendy Multicolored Scarf No Match for Arctic Windchill
ARTS QUAD—Throughout Upstate New York, arctic blast weather patterns have produced extreme outdoor conditions, subzero windchills, and heavy winter precipitation. The dangerously low temperatures have forced students across campus to deploy advanced protective gear: trendy little multicolored scarves. “On one hand, the Real Feel is -30 degrees,” reasoned Eileen Martin ‘28. “On the other, I…
“Reject The Evidence of Your Eyes and Ears” and 8 Other Guidelines From the Presidential Task Force on Institutional Voice
DAY HALL—Cornell’s Presidential Task Force on Institutional Voice issued its final recommendations for the University on February 5. Formed in March of last year, the Task Force aimed to codify expectations for the University’s official response to political issues.
