Ty Dolla $ign Concert Requires No Dollas
BARTON HALL—Rap and R&B artist Ty Dolla $ign will return to Cornell, this time with…
Ty Dolla $ign Concert Requires No Dollas
BARTON HALL—Rap and R&B artist Ty Dolla $ign will return to Cornell, this time with a less blasé attitude towards his performance commitments. After cancelling his scheduled concert last April, the event is now free of charge. The gratis experience comes as a welcome surprise for many students who were willing to pay $25 for…
“You Look Great!” Claims Friend Refusing to Delete Picture of You Bent Over Crunchy Coughing
ARTS QUAD—Cornell’s campus has filled itself with color, from striking sunrises to vibrant foliage, creating the perfect aesthetic for students like Marsha Callow ‘28, who was seen preparing for her own fall photoshoot on Wednesday morning. “This is her chance to capture the beauty of autumn, of course she made sure her hair and makeup…
Company Named After Darth Vader’s Lightsaber Scheduled To Offer Coffee Chats on Campus
DUFFIELD HALL—On Tuesday morning, the leads of many project teams received an email inviting members to watch a movie with and coffee chat alumni now working for Ooblamon’s Blade, a New York City-based defense company. Ooblamon’s Blade has faced recent controversy surrounding its contracts with the DoD and ICE, with critics condemning its role in…
Student Wanting Lap Dance Blocks Middle Seats in Lecture
KLARMAN HALL—In today’s 10:10 AM Linear Algebra lecture, one enterprising student chose to sit at the very edge of the lecture hall, removing access to an entire stretch of perfectly good middle seats. The student, identified as Mike Stevens ‘29, arrived ten minutes early to claim the spot with maximum foot traffic and potential for…
“Why Do Weed-Out Classes Even Exist?” Frowns Crabgrass-Shaped Student
BAKER LABORATORY—Cornell University is infamous for its competitive culture and weed-out classes. Introductory courses across STEM disciplines are particularly notorious for their cutthroat atmosphere, sporting high failure and drop rates. For many students, being weeded out means reconsidering their major; but for one crabgrass-shaped freshman, it is much deeper than that. Marshall Grass ‘30 believes…
Novick’s Fall Menu Still Just Muddy Puddle Water Scooped Around the Back
NOVICK’S CAFE — This fall season, unsuspecting freshmen flocked to Novick’s Cafe on North campus, greeted by the shining monolith of the highly awaited fall menu. Featuring classics like the Pumpkin Spice Latte, Novick’s took their seasonal spirit a step further by debuting more unique iterations of autumn favorites. The “Moldy Leaf Macchiato” and “Rotten…
Report: Skepticism Up 60%?
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to a new study published by Pew Research Center, skepticism among Americans has increased by 60 percent in the last two years, marking a shift in—wait, hold on. 60%? That can’t be right. Pew found that Americans’ belief in information presented as factual has plummeted across a range of ages and political leanings,…
Swing Voter Would Vote Blue But Ughhh Trump Is Soooo Relatable When He Starts Going On Tangents About Men’s Bodies
ITHACA—As Election Day unwinds, swing voters and independents across the country make the consequential choice of which party to vote for. But some swing voters are still torn between his options. “I prefer the policies of Democrats, but I just agree with Trump on so much more,” said an undecided Don Lang ’27. “Democrats simply…
Halloween Hookup Awkwardly Puts Back on Hot Dog Suit Morning After
GANĘDAGǪ HALL— Hannah Gordon ‘29 awoke the morning after hooking up with a mutual she met at her friend’s party. As she rubbed her eyes and adjusted her vision to the cold light of day, she was met with the sight of her spooky season suitor awkwardly squeezing himself back into the hot dog garb…
