MORRISON DINING HALL—In a dramatic escalation of Cornell Days tensions, Morrison’s vital Stir Fry Corridor has been shut down by a horde of admitted students and accompanying family members. The Class of 2030 Blockade represents the newest development in a region with a troubled history. “Passage through the strait was always precarious,” noted Morrison relations expert Jamal Benson ‘28. “If the salad station had a kale caesar, traffic could be stuck for an easy 20-30 minutes.”
The impacts of a blockaded stir fry line extend throughout the campus food supply chain. Experts warn that prolonged disruption could lead to an udon noodle supply shock, forcing students to resort to alternatives like the Chef’s Choice Pasta. In the wake of the shutdown, chicken tender prices at RPCC have already increased by 30%. BRB markets are in freefall as investors adjust to a changing geopolitical landscape for Cornell eateries.
Members of the incoming class have defended this show of military strength. “This time next year, I’ll be eating stir fry and Cornell Dairy ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,” insisted Robert Manovitz ‘30. “This is just the first step in asserting dominance in the region.”
As of Wednesday evening, Okenshields-negotiated peace talks have yet to reach an agreement surrounding the nuclear capabilities of the admitted high school seniors.
