DAY HALL—Ahead of Cornell Days, when incoming students tour campus and overcrowd Morrison Dining, President Michael Kotlikoff was spotted power washing political messages written in chalk. The messages, placed there by Students for a Democratic Cornell to protest Cornell’s connections to ICE and Trump, were unceremoniously replaced with hopscotch courts hand-drawn by Kotlikoff with Crayola…
We all remember last year’s Slope Day fiasco, when Kehlani’s invitation to be the event’s headliner was revoked days after being announced. Last week, EDM duo The Chainsmokers were revealed as the Slope Day artist, whose hits like “Something Just Like This” and “Don’t Let Me Down” shot them to the top of the music…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—In an Instagram post Thursday morning, the Slope Day Programming Board revealed that Cornell’s iconic spring music concert will henceforth be headlined entirely by AI-generated artists. The group also promised to update the name of the beloved event accordingly. The news was met with considerable disappointment from the Cornell community, especially from those…
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y.—Reporting that she “just couldn’t help herself,” local aunt Shelby Gallagher put marshmallows in her sweet potato casserole this Thanksgiving. Gallagher, known to her family as the “fun aunt,” retains this title through similar antics, like bringing pumpkin spice-flavored whipped cream to dinner last year. “It’s not every day you get the chance…
“SYRACUSE, NY”—Upending previous notions about the amorphous transportation hub, a report released Thursday found that Syracuse Airport has a city, too. The report, conducted by Cornell Mui Ho Center for Cities, discovered that Syracuse Airport is also home to an entire agglomeration of people. According to the researchers who spent the last five months finalizing…
ARTS QUAD—Following a weekend of Halloween festivities, Sean Kenneth ‘28 was found Monday sporting a short-sleeve shirt in 55°F weather and white Cayuga Medical Center ID bracelet. “Oh, this?” he was reported to have said repeatedly throughout the day. “It’s a long story, actually it’s pretty crazy. But it’s nothing bro, like seriously don’t worry…
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Millions of Americans joined No Kings protests across the country on Saturday to demonstrate nonviolently against the Trump administration. While record-breaking turnouts from Ithaca to the nation’s capital were one encouraging sign of growing anti-fascist coalition, even more impressive was participants’ fervent desire to put on the greatest talent show this nation has ever…
LIBE SLOPE—Thousands of students have voiced their disappointment at the current uncertainty surrounding Slope Day, taking to the internet and even their emails to rail against the administration. At first, university officials were dismissive, assuring students not to worry while remaining vague about the fate of the time-honored Cornell tradition. However, recently, a marked shift…
ALLENTOWN, PA—University officials announced Monday afternoon that they had selected a powerhouse performer to serve as both Slope Day headliner and Senior Convocation speaker; the individual’s availability was confirmed via Craigslist. The heavy-hitter in question, Jerry Ferguson, hails from Allentown, PA and—according to his Facebook profile—is an “aspiring 29-year-old musician with mad guitar Skillz”. On…
