FEENEY WAY– For Cornell President Michael Kotlikoff, a new school year means a fresh start, this time with a new, tank-like flavor. After coming under fire for running over a student protester’s foot last spring, Kotlikoff has renounced his toe-hungry whip and found a more soothing replacement. Nothing, it seems, screams new beginnings like a…
DAY HALL—On Friday, President Kotlikoff employed his automatic coverup system to carefully maneuver himself out of what many considered a prime opportunity to take accountability. Kotlikoff’s recent campus-wide email, a six-paragraph narrative more desperate than a drunk text to an ex, demonstrated remarkable capabilities to describe certain aspects in extreme detail. The email also ensured…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL–Last Tuesday, students in Professor Stephen Winslow’s Intro to Ethics and Philosophy class were debating the merits of DuBois’ double-consciousness theory during an 11:00 AM discussion section when a comment from one student raised some eyebrows. The student, Sheldon Morestead ‘28, was commenting on the black struggle in America when he uttered a…
HO PLAZA—The ticketing portal for Senior Days opened last Friday, sending seniors scrambling for spots to experience the annual tradition that showcases uniquely Cornellian offerings. Events such as “Luxury Wine Touring Across the Adirondacks,” “Artisanal Beer Flights of the Finger Lakes Region,” and “Mimosas with Michael Kotlikoff” filled their 25 spots almost immediately, leaving slower…
DAY HALL—Ahead of Cornell Days, when incoming students tour campus and overcrowd Morrison Dining, President Michael Kotlikoff was spotted power washing political messages written in chalk. The messages, placed there by Students for a Democratic Cornell to protest Cornell’s connections to ICE and Trump, were unceremoniously replaced with hopscotch courts hand-drawn by Kotlikoff with Crayola…
We all remember last year’s Slope Day fiasco, when Kehlani’s invitation to be the event’s headliner was revoked days after being announced. Last week, EDM duo The Chainsmokers were revealed as the Slope Day artist, whose hits like “Something Just Like This” and “Don’t Let Me Down” shot them to the top of the music…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—In an Instagram post Thursday morning, the Slope Day Programming Board revealed that Cornell’s iconic spring music concert will henceforth be headlined entirely by AI-generated artists. The group also promised to update the name of the beloved event accordingly. The news was met with considerable disappointment from the Cornell community, especially from those…
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y.—Reporting that she “just couldn’t help herself,” local aunt Shelby Gallagher put marshmallows in her sweet potato casserole this Thanksgiving. Gallagher, known to her family as the “fun aunt,” retains this title through similar antics, like bringing pumpkin spice-flavored whipped cream to dinner last year. “It’s not every day you get the chance…
“SYRACUSE, NY”—Upending previous notions about the amorphous transportation hub, a report released Thursday found that Syracuse Airport has a city, too. The report, conducted by Cornell Mui Ho Center for Cities, discovered that Syracuse Airport is also home to an entire agglomeration of people. According to the researchers who spent the last five months finalizing…
