Graduation – CU Nooz

Headlines

Despotic Senior Declines to Answer Whether They’ll Seek Third Term as Club President
1 week ago1 week ago
In Historic Show of Power, Student Assembly Votes to Politely Ask for More Power
2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
L-DOC? My Final Essay Fucking Sucks
3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
Construction Workers Declare Occupation Of Libe Slope As Clock Tower Fences Expand Into New Territory
3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
Rest of Sesame Street Crew Also Forced to Live in Trash Cans After PBS Defunding
3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
Nooz Explains: 15 Exciting Ways to Set Off the Fire Alarm at 2:30 in the Goddamn Morning
3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

Nooz Staff4 weeks ago4 weeks ago03 mins

ALLENTOWN, PA—University officials announced Monday afternoon that they had selected a powerhouse performer to serve as both Slope Day headliner and Senior Convocation speaker; the individual’s availability was confirmed via Craigslist. The heavy-hitter in question, Jerry Ferguson, hails from Allentown, PA and—according to his Facebook profile—is an “aspiring 29-year-old musician with mad guitar Skillz”. On…

No One’s Buying It, Dumbass! Idiot Supersenior Claims He’ll Still Be On Campus Next Year Because He’s Getting A “Masters Degree”

Nooz Staff1 year ago1 year ago02 mins

BIG RED BARN—Let’s face it, college can be hard. And on a high-pressure campus like Cornell’s, it can be challenging for students to admit they’re struggling. Historically, attempts to cope with such failures have ranged anywhere from heavy drinking to, in dire cases, getting really into rock climbing. But in recent years, graduating seniors are…