ARTS QUAD—At a rare on-site press conference, President Michael Kotlikoff updated the Cornell community about the ongoing search for Ezra Cornell’s lost fortune, thought to be buried beneath the Arts Quad. “As you may know, our crews have been working overtime to find this hidden treasure,” said Kotlikoff, standing on a mound of displaced earth…
TOWER ROAD TUNNEL—Countless years after the commencement of the Great Scaffolding, the task of carrying forward the tale of a pre-construction McGraw Tower has fallen to Cornell’s wizened upperclassmen. “How could you imagine what life was like back then? You were born under The Shadow. It is all you have ever known,” lamented Delilah “Godmother”…
ROCKEFELLER HALL—When a lecturer continues past the scheduled end of class, many students are afraid or indifferent, and pass over the opportunity to speak up. But when his History of Egypt lecture ran long last week, Moses Amramson ‘26 decided to take matters into his own hands. “I was sitting next to my brother, Aaron,…
UNITED FLIGHT 4390—Ornithology enthusiast Sam Harriman ‘27 got a real treat Thursday as his flight to Newark encountered a large flock of geese. The gaggle crossed the airplane’s path shortly after takeoff from Ithaca Tompkins International Airport. Harriman, an active member of the Cornell Birding Club, eagerly grabbed his binoculars and peered out the window….
URIS HALL–Model UN president Jorge Melendez ‘25 was booed out of Uris Hall Auditorium by nearly 200 Live Action Role-Play (LARP) Participants, also known as this year’s Cornell International Affairs Conference (CIAC) members. In a shocking moment of self-awareness, Melendez confessed: “I Realize This Is, in Some Sense, Theater.” Earlier in the conference, Melendez discussed…
As the wife of a former president who favors a national abortion ban, many people assume I am pro-life. Yet, before the Donald was president, I was simply the 3rd wife to an aging billionaire with terrible cholesterol and the mother to a scary blond swamp monster. When my son was born, I was grateful…
PHILLIPS HALL—As artificial intelligence advances at breakneck pace, the race to create a truly sentient digital being, capable of thinking, working, and irreversibly blurring the line between man and machine, has rapidly approached its conclusion. Surprising everyone, a group of Cornell engineers has managed to create the first fully sentient automaton, which they call Robot…
What is supposed to be a routine bathroom visit quickly turns into a nightmare whenever the automatic toilet begins flushing of its own volition. At its core, this is a question of man vs. machine. We are in a time of widespread uncertainty and hesitation regarding the role of artificial intelligence in our society. Yet,…
Cornell University has positioned itself as a champion of sustainability amidst Ithaca’s expansive wilderness, adopting practices like charging students for reusable containers and slapping the color green on things. Chief among these practices is the proliferation of water bottle filling stations, many of which claim to have prevented water bottle usage up to amounts such…
WEST CAMPUS—Hoping to snag a coveted slot on West Campus, numerous rising sophomores were disappointed to learn that they would instead be living nowhere. While many housing lottery participants had worried that they might end up in Cascadilla Hall, they had not thought to worry that the Department of Housing & Residential Life would forget…
