GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Not even ten minutes into a two-and-a-half hour class, students in GOVT 4250: American Political Institutions report that Professor Jeremy Gilmore is already starting to get all worked up about the lecture material.
Students braced for the inevitable crush of boredom as Professor Gilmore ascended his soapbox and began preaching about something to do with the assigned readings. “The Trump Administration’s brazen attempts to impinge on the rights of the legislative and judicial branches pose an existential threat to our democracy,” he blathered on pretentiously. “This is history in the making: there’s never been a better time to be a government major.”
“No one cares about this stuff,” muttered government major Colin Garcia ‘27. “Who does this guy think he is, the fucking Messiah?” Other students surreptitiously pulled out their phones in an attempt to drone out the tedious soliloquy.
Once again mounting his high horse, Professor Gilmore obliviously monologued about the relevance of his decades of research on the limits of executive power to current events. “It’s an honor and privilege to share this knowledge with the next generation of political scientists, especially in times like these,” he droned on.
At press time, no one could remember what the lecture was about, but it was probably unimportant and wouldn’t be covered on the prelim.
