OKENSHIELDS—In a discovery that shocked the Cornell scientific community, researcher Monica Pondey found the Ecology department’s next major breakthrough as it was mere seconds away from being plunged into her Friday lunch.
“Based on the color or texture I was about to eat either mac and cheese, stir fry, or soup,” recalled Pondey. “Nevertheless, inspiration struck just in time.”
Further testing revealed that specimens recovered from even a small sample of silverware held stunning insights. Researchers thanked generations of Cornellians for their dedicated patronage of the Okenshields ecosystem, encouraging all participants to rest assured knowing their efforts had been put toward a noble cause.
“A breakthrough so shocking wonderfully exemplifies Cornell’s ethos of innovation and growth through collaboration,” Pondey said, with Cornell food science experts confirming the discovery to be “shocking for sure.”
While Okenshields offered to host a department luncheon in a gesture of thanks, researchers declined, citing conflict of interest.
