FLORA ROSE HOUSE—After taking several minutes to reach the front of the ice cream line at a busy dinner Sunday night, Sarah Weinberger ‘28 was forced to wait further as the patron in front of her took what experts are calling an “unjustifiably long” time to get his dessert.
“It was terrible. He just kept scooping and scooping!” said Weinberger, who only wanted one scoop of Triple Play Chocolate and had places to be after her quick meal. “He was mixing fruit and mint and chocolate all together, and even got some sorbet. And they weren’t even full scoops he was taking—they were those little shavings you get when you don’t scoop hard enough. I was saddened and anxious and offended. I just can’t understand why someone would do something like that.”
Security camera footage appears to support Weinberger’s claim, showing that the man ahead of her adjusted his grip on the scoop multiple times without producing any meaningful amount of ice cream.
The man, identified as Chase Roland ‘28, later told reporters that the combination of Seneca Sunset Sorbet and Dragon Day Mint Cookies & Cream was “too delicious to pass up,” and that taking the equivalent of six scoops was medically necessary thanks to the ice cream’s robust calcium content. In response to allegations of taking way too long fiddling with the scoop and putting a hundred tiny little slivers of ice cream in his bowl like an idiot with no sense of other people’s time or even a general respect for efficiency, Roland stated, “It was really cold and hard to scoop. Relax.”
At press time, Roland has been reported to be loading spaghetti onto his plate, one strand at a time.
