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April 9, 2026
  • Programming Board Announces Roster of AI Musicians for First Annual Slop Day
  • Heartwarming! Cornell Sun Writer Not Sure What “News” Is, Publishes Article About Their Tuesday
  • He is Risen! Student Who Spent Spring Break in Alcoholic Stupor Miraculously Attends 9 AM Lecture
  • Engineering School Phoenix Rises From the Asbestos
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  • Programming Board Announces Roster of AI Musicians for First Annual Slop Day

    11 hours ago11 hours ago
  • Heartwarming! Cornell Sun Writer Not Sure What “News” Is, Publishes Article About Their Tuesday

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • He is Risen! Student Who Spent Spring Break in Alcoholic Stupor Miraculously Attends 9 AM Lecture

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

    11 months ago
  • Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Circle of Elders Regales Freshmen With Stories of the Before-Times When the Clocktower Was Free

    12 months ago7 months ago
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OP-ED: This Thanksgiving, I’d Like to Thank God For Blessing Me With Such a Fat Juicy Pussy

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago02 mins

Thanksgiving is a day in which friends and family give their thanks for all that they are grateful for. This year, I plan on expressing a huge thank you to God for gifting me with an invaluable asset: a succulent, sizable, stank-ass pussy.  When forging me from his flesh, God decided to direct any weight…

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