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March 13, 2026
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots
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  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester
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Study: Plot of Grass in Shade Has Gotten More Ass Than All Greek Life Combined

Nooz Staff4 years ago04 mins

ARTS QUAD—According to a landmark study released in an unprecedented joint collaboration between Cornell’s Plant Science and Psychology departments, grass that’s conveniently located beneath the motherly shade of a firm oak tree is getting way more ass than the combined membership of all Greek Life.   “I initially laughed when my advisee said he wanted…

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