Skip to content
March 14, 2026
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

    14 hours ago14 hours ago
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

    17 hours ago17 hours ago
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Home
  • Kathy Zoner

Kathy Zoner

  • Uncategorized

Masked, Crowbar-Wielding Kathy Zoner Leaves Force to Take Matters Into Own Hands

Nooz Staff7 years ago7 years ago03 mins

HO PLAZA—After repurposing a black satin curtain and a crowbar from the trunk of her ’97 Ford convertible, longtime police chief Kathy Zoner has left the Cornell Police force to take matters into her own hands. Zoner’s intensity has only seemed to increase since her resignation, and many students are still adapting to the crowbar-wielding…

Read More
  • Uncategorized

To Increase Trust With Students, CUPD Will Now Snapchat Every Arrest It Makes

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL — Following increased calls for transparency, CUPD has decided that in addition to using body cameras, it will Snapchat every arrest it makes in an attempt to gain the trust of the Cornell community. Under the handle “coolcopz”, Cornell’s finest will keep their Snapstory updated with a constant feed of misdemeanors and faceswaps…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2026. Powered By BlazeThemes.