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January 10, 2026
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Campus Arsonist to be Succeeded by Less Successful Campus Tax Evader

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

TONI MORRISON HALL—All good things must come to an end, and so it goes that Cornell University’s lovable resident arsonist appears to have retired from their incendiary lifestyle. Despite President Martha Pollack’s hefty reward of 30 BRBs for any information, CUPD remains at a loss for their location, and the student body has resigned itself…

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