university

Dyson Junior Networks Too Hard, Marries Goldman Sachs Recruiter

Nooz Staff7 years ago02 mins

SAGE CHAPEL—After schmoozing with Goldman Sachs recruiter Meredith Hook at a company information session last Thursday, Zackary Chase ‘20 found himself in a marriage engagement, rather than landing a prestigious job as he originally intended. “When I handed her my resume and she saw my 2.79 GPA, I thought I was done for,” said Chase,…

Freshman Unsure Which Washing Machine Full of Cornell T-Shirts is Hers

Nooz Staff7 years ago01 mins

LOW RISE 6—Freshman Rachel Xiong’s first attempt at doing laundry since coming to college was brought to a halt yesterday after she could not determine which load of red and gray Cornell t-shirts belonged to her. “It’s a complete disaster. I put all my clothes in there—Arts and Sciences T-shirts for daily wear, Big Red…

FWS On “Socioeconomic Impacts Of 19th Century French Colonialism” Surprisingly Not As Fun As FWS On “Watching Movies With Joyous Whimsy”

“If you love something, set it free,” Student Deletes App Just Downloaded for Free Donut

OP-ED: Hey Ryan, So Like Now That You’re On Sabbatical, I Was Wondering If You’d Like To Maybe Hang Out Sometime Soon? We Can Grab Coffee On Friday Haha. I’m Sort Of Behind On Rent So If You Could Pay That Would Be Cool

Brain Break! Reading Contains Graph Full of Important Information

Report: Vitamin D Supplements Doing Little to Hinder Bleak, Hopeless Future

Frat With No Pledges Handing Out Sad Little Pamphlets Outside Dining Hall Like An A Capella Group

Dyson Junior Networks Too Hard, Marries Goldman Sachs Recruiter

Freshman Unsure Which Washing Machine Full of Cornell T-Shirts is Hers