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September 11, 2025
  • Fourth Info Session Paints Club in Totally New Light
  • Mononucleosis Researcher Calls for Release of Epstein-Barr Phials
  • New Roommates Still Figuring Out Masturbation Schedule
  • “Hey! Do You Hate Your Life Too?”: Project Team Gauges Interest
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  • “Hey! Do You Hate Your Life Too?”: Project Team Gauges Interest

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  • Divine Roommate Overlord Compels Subordinate Rent-payers To Sign the “72 Commandments of 901 College Ave Apt-1”

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  • Foolish Idiot 12-Year-Old Hasn’t Started Thinking About Junior Year Collegetown Lease

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June 2016

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Campus Adds New Dimension to Accommodate Class of 2020

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

NORTH CAMPUS — Amidst growing concerns of insufficient student housing, Cornell has announced that a new spatial dimension will be constructed on North Campus to accommodate the incoming class of 2020. “We used to have to force triples and quads in some of the high rises, but recent advances in technology mean that we can fit…

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Hotel School Votes to Leave University in Historic Referendum

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

STATLER HALL – In a tightly contested vote held in Statler Auditorium yesterday, the School of Hotel Administration narrowly decided to revoke its membership from Cornell University. The Hotel School had been a member of the CU since 1922, and until recently had largely benefited from economic and political ties to the academic institution. “Membership…

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Sophomore Acing Summer Classes, Failing Summer

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

OLIN HALL — Finishing up yet another assignment for his Introduction to Python course, rising sophomore Jordan Noble is acing his summer classes while, at the same time, failing at summer vacation. “The course is going really well, I love the professor and the homeworks are pretty fun!” said Noble as all his peers were…

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Recent Graduates Wondering Who Will Take Initiative to Clean House

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

COLLEGETOWN – Following graduation and the departure of the majority of students from the Cornell campus, residents at 531 East State Street have been seen idly walking around their incredibly disgusting house, curious as to which person would be the first to start cleaning. “Our lease ends this weekend, and the house is pretty gross,…

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