Skip to content
May 1, 2026
  • Student Accused of Using AI Forced to Defend Worst Discussion Post Ever
  • Dorm Flyers Back on Campus from Radical Extremist Group Big Red Shipping and Storage
  • Nest-less Campus Birds Seen Eagerly Eyeing Boris Johnson’s Hair
  • Last Remaining Senior Days Event Just Bottle of Liquor in Paper Bag
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • Despotic Senior Declines to Answer Whether They’ll Seek Third Term as Club President

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • In Historic Show of Power, Student Assembly Votes to Politely Ask for More Power

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • L-DOC? My Final Essay Fucking Sucks

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Construction Workers Declare Occupation Of Libe Slope As Clock Tower Fences Expand Into New Territory

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Rest of Sesame Street Crew Also Forced to Live in Trash Cans After PBS Defunding

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Nooz Explains: 15 Exciting Ways to Set Off the Fire Alarm at 2:30 in the Goddamn Morning

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Home
  • 2019
  • April
  • 18

April 18, 2019

  • Uncategorized

Cornell to Shut Down For Good After Finally Teaching Every Person Every Study

Nooz Staff7 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—Saying that the university’s mission has been accomplished and there is no reason to continue, the Board of Trustees has unanimously voted to shut down operations next month after finally teaching every person every study. “Now that we’ve almost wrapped up graduating every single person in all possible subjects, there is nothing left for…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2026. Powered By BlazeThemes.