May 2, 2024 – CU Nooz

Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
9 years ago9 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
9 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
9 years ago9 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
10 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
10 years ago10 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
10 years ago10 years ago

Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too

Nooz Staff2 years ago02 mins

SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—Last week, a Cornell alumni was drafted to the NFL during the league’s 2024 draft. Following the development, NFL health scientists have begun to test coaches for brain damage too. “We found significant lapses in judgment within the upper cortex of our coach, John Ray,” said Dr. Flora Norman, a concussion specialist for the…

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel

Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell

Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too