October 30, 2026

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—At 10:17 AM in a philosophy discussion, all hell broke loose after Associate Professor Dantes Noferno suggested there was no afterlife, a statement which one student violently rejected. Satan ‘666 BCE was seen thwacking the half-raised hands of his peers with a crimson pitchfork and a pointed tail waving angrily behind him as…

WASHINGTON, DC— The Trump Administration has cut over $1.4 billion in National Science Foundation (NSF) grants, leaving many researchers with limited options to fund their work. OnlyFans, the often-X-rated video subscription service, has recently formed a 501(c)(3) foundation to award research funding to universities, emerging as an unconventional academic hero.  “Middle-aged men won’t allocate money…