HO PLAZA— After saying an emotional final goodbye to her graduating friend two days ago, Mindy Randall ’18 was reportedly caught off guard this morning when she locked eyes with the girl she thought she’d never see again on Ho Plaza. “I couldn’t decide whether to say hi, or goodbye again, or just squint and…
SCHWARTZ CENTER—Bidding a tearful goodbye to his mother and father, Harry Landry ‘17 shipped out for his final call in Upstate New York vineyards. “I knew what I was signing up for when I was recruited during rush week freshman year,” said Landry as he took one last look at his family. “It’s my duty…
‘Twas the night before Slope Day, and all through Cornell, All the students were partying, and drinking like hell At two, the students, they went on their way, To get into bed, and prepare for Slope Day The campus, all buzzing, too giddy to snooze From Becker to Sheldon, and even in Mews At seven,…
BOULDER, COLORADO—In their preparations to perform at Slope Day, Big Gigantic members Dominic Lalli and Jeremy Salken have become freshly motivated by the possibility of their concert being commemorated in forty years by the Cornell Chimes. “Every time I’ve gone through my set over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the different ways…
TOWER ROAD—Now available for sluggishly pedalling uphill with six cars following behind, Cornell Big Red Bikes offers students a new opportunity to screw up traffic. “Cornell is huge, so it’s a relief to finally be able to bike across campus with no regard for drivers or pedestrians,” said campus bicyclist Troy Laputa as he weaved…
I’m only saying it because they’re taking over RPCC for a whole day, but I think it makes sense. Like, what a dumb thing to be so obsessed with—some TV show about superheroes or British people or whatever? And to like all that nerd stuff so much that they have to have a convention all…
CARPENTER LIBRARY—After reports of several 19-year-olds becoming hyperconscious at a party this past weekend, dozens of members of the Geek Life community at Cornell were busted for underage thinking. “Cornell police responded to several students acting illegally under the inference of human mortality,” said a representative of the Interfranerdity Council, adding participants in the geek…
ARTS QUAD—Hear ye! Hear ye! I come bearing grand news of the Cornell Maker Faire! Come one, come all! Listen well, students of Cornell University! Come hither to the Cornell Maker Faire, the 29th of April, in the 2017th year of our lord, and be amazed! Pray tell, hast thou ever lay’d eyes upon such…
DAY HALL—Claiming it was a flagrant breach of university bylaws, the Office of the Judicial Administrator accused the University Hearing Board of reading the Campus Code of Conduct on Wednesday, when the Board cleared a student for leaking documents to the Daily Sun. “The actions taken by the UHB to fully comprehend the meaning behind…
This April 20th, people everywhere are discussing the future of marijuana legalization. I myself am a firm supporter of the cause and I raise my fist in defiance of…uh…of…hey man, have you seen my hands? Like, oh my god, dude. Look at my hands. Look at my fucking hands. They’re so, like, complex. Shit, where…
