OLIN LIBRARY—Tighten your bra straps, because feminism has reached new heights! In a stunning show of female solidarity, an Olin Library elevator made up of entirely women has undergone the voyage of going all the way up to the 7th floor and back.
The trip was sponsored by the Board of Trustees in an effort to divert attention from the war on academic freedom and intellectualism as a whole promote good vibes and fun womanly times! The girlboss flight crew was diverse across both age and background: Luz Rodriguez ‘26 from the Hotel School, Emily Pepinsky ‘28 from Engineering, Angelina Thompson ‘25 from Dyson, Shelly McNeilson ‘22 (she’s just staying in Ithaca for a little while she figures things out), and singer Katy Perry.
“I’ve always been super interested in elevators,” said the pop star. “So many little girls are denied the privilege of pushing the floor buttons, so I’m honored to be a part of breaking down those barriers.”
The expedition departed at approximately 1:30 PM EST and safely returned at around 1:34 PM EST. Some safety concerns were expressed before liftoff, citing a lack of training, especially in Ms. Perry’s case considering she’s never stepped foot in a library before. However, when the ladies touched down all worries were null, as a flurry of Daily Sun reporters ran from reporting a protest on protecting due process to hear of their experiences.
“When we were up there, it was surprisingly really quiet.” remarked Thompson. This was, of course, because they were on the silent floor.
“It was a really special experience. On the way down, Katy started singing the alma mater,” recalled Pepinsky.
“I was just so happy to be down on the ground [floor]. I couldn’t help but kiss that cold, dirty tile.” McNeilson added.
President Kotlikoff was also on the scene to celebrate. He was seen frantically chasing after Perry to convince her to be the Slope Day headliner instead of Kehlani.
