December 18, 2013

Cornell Students Rejoice for Being Smarter Than at Least One Harvard Student

Nooz Staff13 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY- Earlier this week, Harvard Student Eldo Kim was apprehended for his attempt to defer a final exam by calling in a bomb threat to several campus buildings. Perhaps a silver lining to this reckless and selfish act lies in the comfort felt by thousands of Cornell Students, who could now confirm their intellectual…

Sorority Establishes Feudalistic Fiefdom on Third Floor Mann

Nooz Staff13 years ago12 years ago02 mins

In a hostile takeover this past week, the Cornell chapter of sorority Sigma Kappa Tau ruthlessly overtook and installed their own dominion over the third floor of Mann Library. The monarchy, established with Lady Jenny Harquist ’14 as lord-protector of the realm, expects all students studying on 3 Mann to be vassals of the new…

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel

Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell

Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

December 18, 2013

Cornell Students Rejoice for Being Smarter Than at Least One Harvard Student

Sorority Establishes Feudalistic Fiefdom on Third Floor Mann