January 22, 2014

Amid Divorce, Fun Professor Prepares First Day Of Class Jokes

Nooz Staff13 years ago13 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – Students of Harold Gerdfich were elated to find out the “totally down to earth” professor is preparing a tight 5 minutes of standup for the first day of class, despite undergoing divorce proceedings that will likely leave him penniless, alone, and eventually suicidal. “The kids just love it when I do self-deprecating…

Read Full News

“Spring” Semester Also Cold

Nooz Staff13 years ago13 years ago01 mins

ITHACA, NY-Upon returning to campus this week, freshmen were surprised to learn that this semester would also be cold. “Of course I had heard a lot about Ithaca’s infamous winters, but I figured the spring semester would be warmer,” said Francesca Napoli ’17, whose hometown of Millburn, New Jersey features four distinct seasons. “I typically…

Read Full News

Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs

Only Minority in Friend Group Already Knows Who She Going to Be

Ambitious Group Project Member Needs To Take The Fucking Hint

Motivational Message Etched Into Library Desk Undermined By Penis Right Beneath It

Polycule Sex Cult Still Calling Itself “Co-Op”

Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class

Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen

Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron

Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important

Professor Getting All Excited About Life’s Work Again

January 22, 2014

Amid Divorce, Fun Professor Prepares First Day Of Class Jokes

“Spring” Semester Also Cold