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March 18, 2026
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare
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  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It

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  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir

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  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow

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  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

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  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

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March 19, 2014

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2048 Brings Campus Productivity to Screeching Halt

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – An new report has confirmed that nearly every single person on campus is playing the online number matching game, 2048, in an effort to experience a sweet escape from their daily lives. Productivity has ground to a halt as students and faculty alike continue to slide orange bricks across pleasantly animated four-by-four…

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Cornell to Offer Course on How to Pronounce Sesquicentennial

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – This coming fall, a new course that will only be offered once will teach students what exactly the word “sesquicentennial” means. The university has been liberally using this mysterious term for three years now, since the class of 2015 began their freshman year, cryptically targeting these now junior students. Day Hall has had…

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Student Adds Personal Touch to Computer with CTB and Agava Stickers

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

ITAHCA, NY – In what she called “an effort to make [her] computer feel a little more personal”, Emma Altman ‘15 installed stickers for Collegetown Bagels and local restaurant Agava on the back of her laptop. “The other day I noticed nothing was on the back of my Macbook, so I thought to myself, what…

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