August 31, 2015

Blood-Covered Ornithology Researcher “Sorry About the Birds”

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

SAPSUCKER WOODS — A blood-covered research assistant from Cornell’s Lab of Ornithology released a statement earlier today that he was “sorry about what happened with all the birds back there.” The researcher, biology student Robert Cowan M.S. ’18 studying changes in the behavior of the North American Goldfinch in the presence of lawnmowers, claims that…

Sagan Institute Discovers Already Polluted Earth-like Planet

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

PHYSICAL SCIENCES BUILDING — Scientists at the Carl Sagan Institute announced the discovery of a planet so Earth-like that it may be polluted beyond feasible repair. Jansen 434-b, a planet in the Cygnus constellation, was found using data from the Kepler Space Telescope, designed to detect filthy, destitute planets with runaway greenhouse effects caused by…

Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru

Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words

Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine

National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule

Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea

Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume

Blood-Covered Ornithology Researcher “Sorry About the Birds”

Sagan Institute Discovers Already Polluted Earth-like Planet