August 31, 2015

Blood-Covered Ornithology Researcher “Sorry About the Birds”

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

SAPSUCKER WOODS — A blood-covered research assistant from Cornell’s Lab of Ornithology released a statement earlier today that he was “sorry about what happened with all the birds back there.” The researcher, biology student Robert Cowan M.S. ’18 studying changes in the behavior of the North American Goldfinch in the presence of lawnmowers, claims that…

Sagan Institute Discovers Already Polluted Earth-like Planet

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

PHYSICAL SCIENCES BUILDING — Scientists at the Carl Sagan Institute announced the discovery of a planet so Earth-like that it may be polluted beyond feasible repair. Jansen 434-b, a planet in the Cygnus constellation, was found using data from the Kepler Space Telescope, designed to detect filthy, destitute planets with runaway greenhouse effects caused by…

FWS On “Socioeconomic Impacts Of 19th Century French Colonialism” Surprisingly Not As Fun As FWS On “Watching Movies With Joyous Whimsy”

“If you love something, set it free,” Student Deletes App Just Downloaded for Free Donut

OP-ED: Hey Ryan, So Like Now That You’re On Sabbatical, I Was Wondering If You’d Like To Maybe Hang Out Sometime Soon? We Can Grab Coffee On Friday Haha. I’m Sort Of Behind On Rent So If You Could Pay That Would Be Cool

Brain Break! Reading Contains Graph Full of Important Information

Report: Vitamin D Supplements Doing Little to Hinder Bleak, Hopeless Future

Frat With No Pledges Handing Out Sad Little Pamphlets Outside Dining Hall Like An A Capella Group

Blood-Covered Ornithology Researcher “Sorry About the Birds”

Sagan Institute Discovers Already Polluted Earth-like Planet