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Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs 
Student Who Chose Cornell For Top 12 Ranking Forced to Transfer
Your Friend Who Happens to Have a Car is Actually Funniest, Coolest, Most Attractive Person Ever
Kotlikoff Frustrated by Inability to Send Nationwide Email
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Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs 
Student Who Chose Cornell For Top 12 Ranking Forced to Transfer
Your Friend Who Happens to Have a Car is Actually Funniest, Coolest, Most Attractive Person Ever
Kotlikoff Frustrated by Inability to Send Nationwide Email
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • CU NoozMagazine
    • Spring 2026 Issue
    • Spring 2025 Issue
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
Headlines

Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs 

3 hours ago3 hours ago

Only Minority in Friend Group Already Knows Who She Going to Be

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Ambitious Group Project Member Needs To Take The Fucking Hint

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Motivational Message Etched Into Library Desk Undermined By Penis Right Beneath It

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Polycule Sex Cult Still Calling Itself “Co-Op”

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Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class

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Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen

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Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron

12 months ago

Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important

12 months ago7 months ago

Professor Getting All Excited About Life’s Work Again

12 months ago12 months ago
  • Home
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  • 30

October 30, 2015

  • Uncategorized

Mom Helps Son With Halloweekend Ratio

Nooz Staff11 years ago02 mins

COLLEGETOWN- Worried sick that her sweet son and his new friends wouldn’t be allowed into any Halloween ragers, Pam Byrnes drove to Cornell this morning, bringing with her the sluttiest costume she could find and a printed WikiHow article titled “How to Act at College Parties.” “I told Mom we don’t need her help,” Robby…

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  • Uncategorized

Mom Puts Finishing Touches On Daughter’s Slutty Halloween Costume

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago01 mins

HIGH RISE 5 – In a reluctant attempt to love her daughter no matter what she does, Cheryl Stanton ’87 has decided to assist her daughter, Lauren Stanton ’19, in finishing her slutty mouse costume. “I love my little girl more than anything in the world,” said a disappointed Mrs. Stanton as she begrudgingly cut…

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