April 13, 2017

Joe Biden Shotguns Beer to Celebrate Convocation Speaker Announcement

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

After weeks of rumors and speculation over who would give the Cornell convocation address at this year’s graduation, the 2017 Convocation Committee announced today that former Vice President of the United States Joe Biden would be the selected speaker, to which Mr. Biden responded by immediately shotgunning a beer. “Cornell Convocation 2017! Get ready to…

Career Service Counselor Googles “Available Internships in NYC”

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL— After listening attentively to junior Kate Hill’s plea for help with her failing search for summer internships, Career Service Counselor Darrell Lange opened a new window on his browser and Googled “Available internships in NYC.” “Let’s see what we have here that might be useful to you,” said Lange, carefully squinting at…

Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

Joe Biden Shotguns Beer to Celebrate Convocation Speaker Announcement

Career Service Counselor Googles “Available Internships in NYC”