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October 14, 2025
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  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
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March 2018

  • Uncategorized

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…

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Five Missing in Amazon After Latest IFC Jungle Juice Gathering Expedition

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

AMAZON RAINFOREST, BRAZIL—Tragedy struck the IFC last week when five students failed to return from the organization’s annual mission to collect the increasingly scarce jungle juice. “While we mourn the loss of our fellow brothers, we know their tragedy was not in vain. Each cooler we fill with the sweet jungle nectar this semester will…

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