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December 18, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
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  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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  • March
  • Page 3

March 2018

  • Uncategorized

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…

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  • Uncategorized

Five Missing in Amazon After Latest IFC Jungle Juice Gathering Expedition

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

AMAZON RAINFOREST, BRAZIL—Tragedy struck the IFC last week when five students failed to return from the organization’s annual mission to collect the increasingly scarce jungle juice. “While we mourn the loss of our fellow brothers, we know their tragedy was not in vain. Each cooler we fill with the sweet jungle nectar this semester will…

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