November 25, 2020

OP-ED: This Thanksgiving, I’d Like to Thank God For Blessing Me With Such a Fat Juicy Pussy

Nooz Staff6 years ago6 years ago02 mins

Thanksgiving is a day in which friends and family give their thanks for all that they are grateful for. This year, I plan on expressing a huge thank you to God for gifting me with an invaluable asset: a succulent, sizable, stank-ass pussy. When forging me from his flesh, God decided to direct any weight…

Freshman Departs Campus For Winter Break With Box Of Condoms Still Unopened

Nooz Staff6 years ago02 mins

DONLON HALL—Per sources close to the situation, the bulk-sized box of condoms purchased in August by freshman Isaac Moore at a Costco remained completely unused at the onset of winter break three months later. “When I first moved in, he showed me the box of rubbers almost immediately and asked me if I thought he’d…

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OP-ED: Dear Freshmen, that Twenty-Person O-Week Friend Group is Much Cooler Than You and If You Don’t Have Best Friends Yet, Just Give Up Trying

Freshman Patiently Waiting to Cross College Ave Gets Hit by Car Anyway

November 25, 2020

OP-ED: This Thanksgiving, I’d Like to Thank God For Blessing Me With Such a Fat Juicy Pussy

Freshman Departs Campus For Winter Break With Box Of Condoms Still Unopened