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December 17, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
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October 24, 2022

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Cornell Football Only Able to Win Against Smallest State in the Union

Nooz Staff3 years ago3 years ago02 mins

PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND—In a powerful display of Rhode Island’s inadequacy as a state, the notoriously poor Big Red secured a 24-21 win over Brown on Saturday. The victory, Cornell’s only against an Ivy League team this season, inspired little hope in fans. “Wow, we beat Brown. Awesome,” said Craig Major ‘23. “Now, how about we…

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