STATLER HALL—”If you love something, set it free,” so the proverb goes, and so went the freshly downloaded student-made app from Kaya Weismann ‘27’s homescreen into the abyss.
According to Weismann, it all began when leaving Statler Library after a few hours of studying. “That was when I saw them. They were breathtaking. It was love at first sight,” she recounted when asked about the free donuts being hawked by Cornell’s student-run app team in exchange for downloads. Many students were seen at the table, like Weismann, quickly downloading the app with impressive gusto.
“The app is expertly designed to help students track their number of blinks per day to address the ill-met eyeball needs of students on this campus,” explained the development team lead, Link Kimer ‘26. Despite the clear indifference of the unfortunate students that got too close to the table and had to listen to Kimer’s pitch, the useless application hit record numbers of downloads after just a few hours of tabling. Puzzlingly, however, these numbers seemed to jump and fall as if being constantly downloaded, deleted, redownloaded, redeleted, and so on.
After returning to the table several times, Weismann was spotted finally getting turned away, four donuts in hand. When asked about the rejection, she said simply, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”
She was then witnessed deleting the worthless app once again, for the final time.