Skip to content
November 3, 2025
  • Instant Ramen Instructions Detail How To Burn Noodles, Pull Fire Alarm, Act Confused
  • Only Minority in Friend Group Already Knows Who She Going to Be
  • Ambitious Group Project Member Needs To Take The Fucking Hint
  • Motivational Message Etched Into Library Desk Undermined By Penis Right Beneath It
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • Instant Ramen Instructions Detail How To Burn Noodles, Pull Fire Alarm, Act Confused

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • Kotlikoff Claims “You Can Fit A Turkey Up There”, Vague About What “There” Means

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • “Next Stop, Binghamton!” OurBus Trip Goes South

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • EDITORIAL: Please God, Let The Daily Sun Go Bankrupt So We Can Buy Them

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • “Consider a Man’s Life Situated on a Frictionless, Downward Plane”: Physics Professor Not Handling His Divorce Well

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Uh oh! Amelia Bedelia-like Friend to Bring “Hand-Stuffed Turkey” to Friendsgiving

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Home
  • 2025
  • February
  • 21

February 21, 2025

  • Campus
  • Student Life

“Put Me In, Coach!” Zeus Patron Benched

Nooz Staff9 months ago9 months ago04 mins

TEMPLE OF ZEUS—After airballing an easy shot at one of the marble benches, Junior Varsity Zeus Patron Luka D’Angelo ‘28 was once again relegated to the bench. “Fuck, dude,” grumbled the frustrated freshman, parting a curtain of his bustling competitors to stalk off the court. Having reached his familiar haunt—a particularly uncomfortable wooden bench in…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2025. Powered By BlazeThemes.