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March 19, 2026
  • Op-Ed: Oops! Not All That Depression was Seasonal
  • Lab Partner Swears “It Feels Better Without Gloves”
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
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  • Op-Ed: Oops! Not All That Depression was Seasonal

    6 hours ago6 hours ago
  • Lab Partner Swears “It Feels Better Without Gloves”

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow

    5 days ago5 days ago
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

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April 7, 2025

  • Spring Break

OP-ED: Pwease Mistuh Pwofessuh Don’t Mark Me Absent My Pwivate Pwane Got In Really Really Late Last Night

Nooz Staff12 months ago12 months ago03 mins

A BED WITH A WHITE DUVET—God gives its toughest battles to its stwongest warriors, so obviously I’m like a war hero or something because I had to overcome quite the stwuggle last night. You see, usually Daddy and I waltz right on to Philbert, which is what we named our pwivate jet, but before we…

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