A BED WITH A WHITE DUVET—God gives its toughest battles to its stwongest warriors, so obviously I’m like a war hero or something because I had to overcome quite the stwuggle last night.
You see, usually Daddy and I waltz right on to Philbert, which is what we named our pwivate jet, but before we could exit our Escalade we were abwubtley stopped. I knew deep down my worst fears had come true: there was a hold-up with the in-flight Dom Perignon.
I was finished cwafting my Casa Instagram post by the time we boarded so I knew we had been waiting there for over 3 hours. We touched down in Ithaca at 1 AM but the nightmare didn’t end there. No. Uber. Bwacks. I was chauffeured to my sorority house in a Hyundai and if that isn’t reason enough to excuse my absence Pwofessuh I don’t know what is.
Now, I know you may be thinking, Elizabeth, you don’t talk like this in class, what’s with this altered spelling of words? Well, to that I say I don’t talk at all in class, so just how would you know mistuh doctuh sir. But to answer your question, this is the argumentative pwose I use with my Daddy to explain charges on the Amex, so twanslating this to writing I hope will be just as effective.
So, Pwofessuh, I sincewely hope you can excuse my absence in Working Class Sustainability Efforts in Middle America.
Best,
Sarah Getty Rockefeller Vanderbilt