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April 8, 2026
  • Heartwarming! Cornell Sun Writer Not Sure What “News” Is, Publishes Article About Their Tuesday
  • He is Risen! Student Who Spent Spring Break in Alcoholic Stupor Miraculously Attends 9 AM Lecture
  • Engineering School Phoenix Rises From the Asbestos
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  • Heartwarming! Cornell Sun Writer Not Sure What “News” Is, Publishes Article About Their Tuesday

    24 minutes ago24 minutes ago
  • He is Risen! Student Who Spent Spring Break in Alcoholic Stupor Miraculously Attends 9 AM Lecture

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

    11 months ago
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September 2, 2025

  • Classes

“I’m Going to Butcher These Names”: Professor Selects Students for Slaughter

Nooz Staff7 months ago6 months ago01 mins

URIS HALL—The second week of classes started uneventfully, with students settling into their routines and professors getting to know their classes. However, a few terrified students in Uris Hall G01 were in for a cruel surprise. “The professor seemed more irritated than last week. Maybe because only half the class showed up after he said…

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