GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—During a government discussion section last week, one student, Courtney Howe ‘29, took a large step towards actualizing her humanity by saying her first words. The comment shook the classroom, which had become accustomed to Howe silently sitting in the furthest left corner of the room.
“I agree,” she said, rocking in her chair with a thumb in her mouth.
Classmates gawked at Howe’s digression, stunned by her sudden ability to speak. Others blushed, expressing how cute it was to watch a person gain command of language in real time.
“She kinda started drooling all over herself by the end of it,” Josie Wu ‘28 said, “but it was pretty cute, actually.”
The class’s professor, Prof. Chester Campos, was especially taken aback by the revelation, given the previous work his student had submitted.
“It was all pretty surprising,” Campos said. “I didn’t expect much out of her, for all the essays she completed in crayon and whatnot.”
An air of pride filled the room as her peers felt somewhat responsible for her newfound language abilities. One student, Deon Thornton ‘29, commented on the impressiveness of “I agree” as a first statement, when that distinction is typically reserved for easy words like “mom” or “dad.”
“It’s pretty advanced to produce three syllables during your first time speaking ever,” Thornton commented. “When I spoke for the first time 15 years ago, it was all just babble.”
At press time, proud classmates expressed confidence that Howe would soon be able to leave class without being carried on someone’s back.
