CRADIT FARM DRIVE—Since the start of the semester, students across campus have been terrorized by remorseless, bloodthirsty, and cruel individuals: E-Scooter riders. No roadway or path is safe from them.
Last Thursday, Gloria Alvarado ‘28 was the latest victim. After a long day of being manhandled by chemistry homework, Alvarado was walking back to her dorm on North to get some rest. As she was about to cross the street outside Balch hall, however, she noticed an electric scooter hurtling down the hill right towards her, moving in a zig zag pattern.
“I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which direction he was going in,” Alvarado said. “He turned left, then right, then left again, then he went back right, and then took a sharp left straight into me.”
After the screech of tires and a loud thud, Alvarado was left sprawling on the ground with a sprained ankle, sore shoulder, and a burning hatred for E-Scooter riders.
Some students have noted the ignorance of these red-backpack-wearing clanker jockeys, as they seemingly don’t notice anything wrong. “All he said was ‘sorry bro’ before getting right back up and scooting away,” said Alvarado, angrily.
“Honestly, I don’t even see it as that big of a deal,” said Jasper Kennedy ‘26, the rider who hit Alvarado. “I get hit in the head hundreds of times each week playing football, and there’s nothing wrong with me. So what if you get hit with a scooter?”
For Alvarado, it was a turning point in her life, motivating her to pursue a law career specializing in vehicle accidents. For Kennedy, it was just another day.
