OLIN LIBRARY—Cornell students have the luxury of enjoying a wide range of study spaces, from campus cafes to comfy lounges. Despite this breadth of options, on Tuesday, one Harry Potter ass motherfucker opted to study under the Olin Library stairs.
While his peers scrolled on their iPads in plush couches just feet away from this bitch who must think he Daniel Radcliffe or some shit, Henry Pfeiffer ‘28, did his homework in a cramped-ass crawl space meant for an orphaned boy whose aunt and uncle hate him.
One student, Chris Jennings ‘27, who was studying in a part of Olin with fresh air and sunlight, noticed Pfeiffer while going to the water fountain.
“My dumb ass thought he was about to go pull out the Sorcerer’s Stone,” Jennings said, pointing at the little orphan wizard boy while making wand poses. “LMAOOOOOO Wingardium Leviosa, bitch!”
At press time, Pfeiffer was seen packing up his very old studying tomes with the help of an ugly ass troll-looking motherfucker.
