URIS HALL—With nesting season in full swing, many birds have resolved to make Cornell their home for the next few months. The campus’s abundance of trees, open space, and unsuspecting Hotelies to shit on make it “the perfect environment to lay some twigs, lay some pipe, and lay some eggs,” said Kevin Wormenjoyer, a local red-winged blackbird.
When asked to identify the perfect nesting location, a thoroughly depressing brutalist cube made up of rusting steel and concrete would likely be most people’s last choice. Despite this, students have reportedly seen one ill-advised bird nesting in Uris Hall. The bird, identified as 3-year-old blue jay Sarah Seedeater, claims that trees and flowers are “kinda boring,” and emphasizes that she’s “a free thinker.”
Some students were baffled by Seedeater’s choice. “I’m not a bird so I wouldn’t know, but I can’t possibly fathom why you would decide on Uris Hall of all places to raise your kids,” said Thomas Reilly ‘26, an avid birder. “That’s like an E&S grad working for a pittance in conservation instead of taking the higher-paying job at ExxonMobil.”
Other birds have noted that Seedeater isn’t exactly the most intelligent. “Yeah, she certainly isn’t the brightest firefly in the forest,” said Ben Beak, a local song sparrow. “She’s flown into a few windows, just doesn’t learn after each time it happens. Last week, I watched her knock herself unconscious fighting with her own reflection.”
“What can I say?” sighed her father, 5-year-old George Seedeater. “I love her, I really do, but if you’ve ever wondered how the expression ‘bird-brained’ came about, she’s your answer.”
