WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL – In an effort to find activities for Cornellians that may not be partaking in the upcoming Slope Day celebration, Denice Cassaro recently sent out an email offering to host a Cornell backgammon tournament on May 12th, a proposal that is expected to catch the eye of both students not planning on…
ARTS QUAD — Panic quickly spread Tuesday when it dawned upon quad-goers that, oh dear lord, John’s going to attempt to throw the frisbee overhand. “Hey, check this out!” yelled the ambitious freshman as he cocked his arm behind his head, unknowingly putting several passing students at risk of bodily harm. Having never witnessed such…
By Trey Dean, Concerned Ithacan We all know that printed newspapers are a dying medium, and invariably in the future everything will transition online. But I’ve been a loyal fan of the Cornell Daily Sun for year, and now that they’ve announced their reduced printing schedule, I can’t help but wonder what I’ll cut little…
DAY HALL — After being pressed on investigations of poor working conditions of personnel at Weill Cornell Medicine in Qatar, the administration revealed that workers at the Doha facility are “Yeah – what? Oh no yeah they’re fine.” Student activist groups’ continued call for an external infrastructure to prevent the discharge and deportation of migrant…
OLIN — During an important study period before the last week of classes, Charlie Hodges ’19 was rudely interrupted with a barrage of affectionate texts from his mother, sent randomly and without context on the second Sunday in May. “Dusting your bookshelves and found your old copy of Peter Rabbit!! Remember when you made me…
BAILEY HALL — The Cornell University Program Board will present famed comedy persona “Hannibal,” Friday night in Bailey Hall. CUPB says that they are delighted to bring such an eloquent and voracious speaker to campus. “He’s exactly the type of comedian we were looking for,” said CUPB Chairperson Gabe Diamond ‘18, “We think he’ll kill…
EAST AVE — Following the hard work on projects such as MVR, Duffield, PSB, Gates, Klarman, Gannett, and now East Avenue construction, it has officially been eight years since campus construction worker Dale Greyson last saw his wife and two sons. “Every time I think the job is over, Cornell’s got something else for me,”…
THE COMMONS — Campus nerds Colleen Eiderman ’19 and Emily Mehta ’19, who forgot their fake ID’s at their apartment, attempted to use a Jedi Mind trick on the unsuspecting Moonies bouncer. “These are not the ID’s you’re looking for,” said the inebriated Eiderman, as she waved her hand across the bouncer’s face and Mehta…
IVES HALL — Materializing in the third row of the lecture hall without the professor even noticing, ILR student and real-life ninja Brian Eriksson ’18 managed to sneak undetected into class twenty minutes late. “I didn’t even see him coming into the room, but he definitely wasn’t there for the first half of the lecture….
CORNELL POLICE STATION — This past Sunday, Cornell Police Chief Kathy Zoner sent out a campus-wide email warning both students and faculty of Cornell of the inevitable end that is in store for all mortals. In the communique entitled “Time Waits For No One, Death Always Awaits as the Eternal Doorman, Phishing Alert,” Zoner warned…
